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December 30, 2011

There’s something that happens as the calendar nears that final day of one year, and I anticipate cracking open a new calendar to welcome the fear, uncertainty, promise, and mundanity that are offered up in invisible ink on 365 new squares.

I feel rushed.

Rushed to squeeze in those last items I swore I would do by Thanksgiving.  Then by Christmas.  Then by the end of the year.  And somehow New Years is upon me.

Rushed to send emails, wrap up work, unpack from vacation while offering half-tuned-in mumbles to Little Friend who is patiently sitting at my elbow with a miniature tea set, a collection of bouncy balls who are standing in as mermaids in her mermaid kingdom, and I have somehow been dubbed a littering octopus who is reportedly flinging trash far and wide in her ocean abode.  Somehow this all makes sense to her.  I send another email and absentmindedly toss some trash in her aquatic tea party direction.

Rushed to succeed at something in the final hours of a year.

And then I question…why?

Why do I think if I complete these things today, on the eve of the eve of the new year, I will somehow guarantee a success that seems less ensured come January 1?

If I’m honest with myself and declare it openly in this public space, I should confess that I’m motivated by fear.  Fear of my own failure.  Fear of God’s potential answer of “No” in my life.  Fear of the bent turn that those blank days ahead could take.  So here I sit, like some worrisome wintering groundhog, attempting to stockpile my necessities for the days to come.

I’d much rather approach the blankness of the new year with open hands, ready to receive the good and the bad, the expected and unexpected, the dreams achieved and dreams deferred.

I think (cross my fingers, toes, shoelaces, and sweatpants ties with hope) that I can switch around my focus.  Out with the fear, in with embracing God’s glory.  Because if I truly believe down the the red, pulsing marrow of my bones that all things (the good, bad, and blank calendar days ahead) work out in the end not in “Happy” or “Sad” but in “Come-What-May-Glory”, well, that just kind of takes all the sting and victory out of the bad things I fear, doesn’t it?

If I can release my tension over fussing around to guarantee success in these final two days of 2011, I won’t be quite as uptight at the start of 2012.  After all, there are more important parts to life than the “what ifs.”

I’d rather focus on my make-believe octopus duties than my own make-believe fears.

‘Cause who wouldn’t rather be a litter-pus than a worry-bug any day?

This post is gratefully inspired by and shared with The Gypsy Mama’s Five Minute Fridays.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. December 30, 2011 8:18 am

    I’m linked up behind you at Gypsy Mama, and wishing you a very happy 2012! I sometimes spend too much time looking back on all the things I think I should have done in the past year, too, but going forward into a fresh new year seems like a much better plan.

  2. December 30, 2011 8:54 am

    Visiting from Gypsy Mama. Great post. It is so easy to get caught up in the “things” of life. But a great reminder to savor the moment now! Blessings, Tirzah

  3. December 30, 2011 9:14 am

    How wonderful that God’s perfect love casts out all fear… may you enjoy each of the new 365 ahead with a sureness that He goes ahead and prepares the way for good things… all things will work together for good
    blessings to you as you linger on His Grace, His Faithfulness… His perfect Love

  4. Nancy permalink
    December 30, 2011 9:42 am

    Happy New Year in all its Come-What-May-Glory!

  5. December 30, 2011 9:42 pm

    Yes, I’m been wringing out a lot of rush lately too. I feel like because it hasn’t snowed here yet, I haven’t felt the same peace and sense of slowness I usually do this time of year. And then there’s also this, “Rushed to succeed at something in the final hours of a year.” Yes, I’ve been thinking a lot about success and what it looks like and how not to be owned or defined by it. Interesting journey.

    Thank you for these lovely thoughts – and for sharing them with Five Minute Fridays.

    Warmest wishes

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